Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin

There are certain people that exude a certain kind of humble confidence. When you meet them they seem to have a “what you see is what you get” authenticity.

What makes them like this, comfortable with themselves as well as with others?

How can you be one of them? Let’s take a closer look at

What they are not doing

They are not

1.   All Wobbly Inside

The root of most personal insecurity is the belief that we are not lovable, worthy of love, or good enough. This sort of stuff generated in childhood and reinforced by a performance oriented and conditional culture creates havoc in our heads and in relationships. Here are some of the symptoms. Such a person has a

o    Desperate need for approval

o    Cloying desire to please

o    Reactive response to authority

o    Driving need to escape

2.   Defined by the opinions of others

Wobbly people have the need to have others “boot them up” to make them feel good about themselves. This is a variation on theme #1. But in this instance the person is making extra effort to prove to the other how smart, beautiful, valuable, or socially acceptable they are. The symptoms here are that the person

  • Name drops to validate their status
  • Flashes their knowledge or intelligence
  • Puts the other down to lift themselves up
  • Stays angry to push others away.
  • Looks for a guru to tell them what to be and do

What they are doing

The person comfortable in their own skin not only has the relative absence of the above but they also

1.   Have a high degree of self-awareness

We all have our ghosts and hot buttons. And we all revert to dysfunctional and childish behaviors under stress. But self-aware people are wide-awake and generally know why and when they are getting a bit unsteady inside. They have a keen awareness of the triggers in their heads and environment that set them off. They also know what to do when they feel more inclined to react rather than respond.

Fact: Self-aware people make better choices for themselves

2.   Do not take themselves too seriously

If you cannot laugh at yourself you are in trouble when your internal “stuff” hits the fan. The big danger of falling into old dysfunctional patterns is that we over-dramatize the results. We forget that most people are so focused on themselves that they don’t even notice our emotional peccadilloes. And even if they do, what they think of us does not define who we are or what choices we can still make for ourselves.

Fact: Self-aware people don’t sweat their imperfections. They make choices to do better the next time.

3.   Place a high value on authenticity

The sign of an authentic person is that they can be transparent and vulnerable. They also have a deep inner sense of their value defined quite apart from their performance or even their perceived perfection.

Fact: It’s OK to be seen as less than perfect or completely competent. Even Buddha did not remain in an enlightened state all the time.

So look at your internal and external wrinkles and admit, accept, and laugh.

Walk easy with yourself through life.

About cedricj

I am a licensed psychologist and management consultant and have always been intrigued by how leaders can inspire people in their organizations. The bottom line is that people are not always motivated by material rewards, the use of the carrot or the stick, fear and intimidation,and command and control, Five human needs inspire and drive us. Kristine S MacKain, Ph.D and myself describe these inspirational forces in our book "What Inspirational Leaders Do" (Kindle 2008)
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4 Responses to Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin

  1. Pingback: Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin | People Discovery

  2. Pingback: Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin | Be You! B...

  3. dmdobbins98 says:

    So true and so well said. You can’t please everyone anyway, so your best path is to follow your own bliss. 🙂

  4. I’m still singing when I’m not crying, I’m doing what I said I would, I’m relatively sure of somethings but could be wrong, I may be right and until I know I’ll keep on looking. The answers. Some of the questions, The ‘rest’ are ours too formulate.

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