Relating From the Heart

children circle

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Our conversation can bypass a lifeless discussion that only touches the mind to one that lightens up the heart and where we can speak Truth with each other.

A heart conversation goes beyond questions like,

“What’s on your bucket list?”

“How soon can we fix this problem?”

“What projects do you have to complete today?”

“What do you do?”

All are legitimate questions. However, when did you last…..

  • ….. play with your children/grandchildren without checking your watch?
  • ….. find yourself  so lost in what you were doing that you were surprised to know how much time had gone by?
  • ….. have dinner with friends and make a heart-to-heart connection?

These are examples of consciously and fully living in the now and connecting intensively with others. But these experiences are often rare–typically, we stay on the surface, are  distracted by thoughts of the past and future,  and live totally in our heads. Why? Our Western world seems to value ideas and action more than it does connection. The world of thoughts and doing is of more value than the world of feeling and communing. In short, the head trumps the heart.

Today, a Mexican repairman came to our home to fix our gas fireplace. He spent 15 minutes on the job itself and the following 45 minutes talking about his family and heritage. It was very difficult to go with the flow because we had promised to meet personal deadlines (e.g. write this blog, finish a report, clean out the shed).

The bad news is if we let agendas, schedules, and deadlines dominate our lives, we live on the surface of life–busy and productive, perhaps, but missing out on those deeper moments and times that provide us with insights about what is really important in life and remind us how precious is this life of ours.

The good news is that when we let go of the idea that this is the only way  to live, wisdom and significance enter our lives. Above all, the possibility of true connection with others is enhanced.

The other night at dinner we talked with friends way into the evening, fully present, without a sense of time. At the end of the evening, we all sat quietly, then someone said: “This was such a satisfying evening; this is the way life should be.”

Of course, we are to face the fact that in business circles,  ideas, actions, and results are the order of the day. Our mission revolves around questions like:

“How do we achieve the best results?”

“What do the data say?”

“What is the best answer?”

In such a world it is very easy to miss a personal connection, have a heart-to-heart talk, and experience each other’s humanness. Though intellectually stimulating, at the end of the day, “head” talk can leave us feeling quite lonely.

Conversation that titillates or even informs the mind does not necessarily warm the heart.

Heart wisdom is more powerful than head knowledge. It reveals who we really are.


About cedricj

I am a licensed psychologist and management consultant and have always been intrigued by how leaders can inspire people in their organizations. The bottom line is that people are not always motivated by material rewards, the use of the carrot or the stick, fear and intimidation,and command and control, Five human needs inspire and drive us. Kristine S MacKain, Ph.D and myself describe these inspirational forces in our book "What Inspirational Leaders Do" (Kindle 2008)
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3 Responses to Relating From the Heart

  1. I couldn’t agree more, Cedric. We’re rapidly losing the basic skills of communication and retreating into an inner world of virtual relationships. And what’s more we know we’re doing it, and “just can’t help ourselves”.

    I wonder what the impact of this is going to be? How dysfunctional are we going to have become in say 5 years’ time, and in what way will this cause us problems in society?

    We need to rise up against this with Blogs like this!

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