There are certain people that exude a certain kind of humble confidence. When you meet them they seem to have a “what you see is what you get” authenticity.
What makes them like this, comfortable with themselves as well as with others?
How can you be one of them? Let’s take a closer look at
What they are not doing
They are not
1. All Wobbly Inside
The root of most personal insecurity is the belief that we are not lovable, worthy of love, or good enough. This sort of stuff generated in childhood and reinforced by a performance oriented and conditional culture creates havoc in our heads and in relationships. Here are some of the symptoms. Such internal instability is manifested outwardly by a
Craving for affirmation but give nothing in return
Driving competitiveness devoid of humility
Cloying desire to please
Reactive response to authority
Chronic need to escape into activity
2. Defined by the opinions of others
Wobbly people have the need to have others “boot them up” to make them feel good about themselves. This is a variation on theme #1. But in this instance the person is making extra effort to prove to the other how smart, beautiful, valuable, or socially acceptable they are. The symptoms here are that the person
- Name drops to validate their status
- Flashes their knowledge or intelligence
- Puts the other down to lift themselves up
- Stays angry to push others away.
- Looks for a guru to tell them what to be and do
What they are doing
People comfortable in their own skin not only have the relative absence of the above but they also
1. Have a high degree of self-awareness
We all have our ghosts and hot buttons. And we all revert to dysfunctional and childish behaviors under stress. But self-aware people are wide-awake and generally know why and when they are getting a bit unsteady inside. They have a keen awareness of the triggers in their heads and environment that set them off. They also know what to do when they feel more inclined to react rather than respond.
Fact: Self-aware people make better choices for themselves
2. Do not take themselves too seriously
If you cannot laugh at yourself you are in trouble when your internal “stuff” hits the fan. The big danger of falling into old dysfunctional patterns is that we over-dramatize the results. We forget that most people are so focused on themselves that they don’t even notice our emotional peccadilloes. And even if they do, what they think of us does not define who we are or what choices we can still make for ourselves.
Fact: Self-aware people don’t sweat their imperfections. They make choices to do better the next time.
3. Place a high value on authenticity
The sign of an authentic person is that they can be transparent and vulnerable. They also have a deep inner sense of their value defined quite apart from their performance or even their perceived perfection.
Fact: It’s OK to be seen as less than perfect or completely competent. Even Buddha did not remain in an enlightened state all the time.
So look at your internal and external wrinkles and admit, accept, and laugh.
Walk easy with yourself through life.