Standing in Line Waiting to Die

Now that’s a title to lift your spirits for the day!

But seriously, living life to the fullest is learning how to die.

I often tease my aging friends that out conversations slowly turn into “organ recitals”. We seem to have a preoccupation with our physics ailments. Sometimes these discussions border on hypochondria. That reminds me of an inscription purported to be on the tombstone of the hypochondriac “See I told you I was ill”! In my opinion, I feel that a lot of this morbid preoccupation with our aches and pains is the denial of death.

In North America we still have a lot to learn about death and dying. We push death into the background of our consciousness, have few rituals to process the experience, try to get it over as quickly as possible, and generally remain in denial. 

This year the reality of death has been front and center in my life.

Several months ago I was diagnosed with Pulmonary Hypertension. Dr. Google (not my cardiologist) informed me that the condition was probably terminal and that I had two years to live. That was the bad news. This crisis led me to contemplate with more seriousness my mortality. The current reflections added to my growing awareness on death and dying received while living in Mexico. A subsequent consult with a specialist assured me that the condition was reversible with the right treatment.

In Mexico we were introduced to the celebration of El Dia Del la Meurtes (The Day of the Dead). This festivity highlighted a huge difference between the Latin and North American perspectives on death. Here we are obsessed with youth and are uncomfortable with death. We have few rituals and mechanisms to deal with a terminal event. An illustration of our discomfort with our passing is seen in a recent memorial service where the deceased was not mentioned by name. By contrast, in Mexico, there is a very thin boundary between this life and the next. The “departed” are always here (in spirit) with the family. Death is an integral part of living.

Today I met with a friend facing his own terminal disease. In his early years he used to work with the political activist Caesar Chavez. Six months before Chavez died he visited my friend, and knowing my friend’s interest in Yoga, introduced him to the “death” yoga position. At that time Chavez had a knowing of his imminent death and incorporated his yoga position as a way of preparing for death. What is our level of knowing?

I am aware that I have few rituals like the Day of the Dead or Yoga positions to keep me mindful of my mortality. I am also becoming more mindful of the gratitude I feel for life, relationships I have, and the significance of work that I am doing. If I knew for sure that I only had three months to live I would not change what I am doing right now.

I was told of an order of nuns where each Sister placed a simple wooden casket in her room as a reminder of her mortality. I don’t need to be that dramatic. But the reality dying is now beginning to inform the quality of my life. Where I go and what I am after I die is not the focus of my life right now. Putting it quite simply. I don’t know and right now I’m fine with that. 

Playwright Dennis Potter (who was dying from cancer) remarked during his last television interview that he was living so intensely in the present that he noticed the beauty in ordinary things that he’d hardly paid attention to before.  He captured this beautifully in his comment: 

 “The nowness of everything is absolutely wondrous.” 

How few of us achieve that level of awareness and appreciation for life! 

Question

How do you rise to the challenge of being wide awake to life as well as to death?

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About cedricj

I am a licensed psychologist and management consultant and have always been intrigued by how leaders can inspire people in their organizations. The bottom line is that people are not always motivated by material rewards, the use of the carrot or the stick, fear and intimidation,and command and control, Five human needs inspire and drive us. Kristine S MacKain, Ph.D and myself describe these inspirational forces in our book "What Inspirational Leaders Do" (Kindle 2008)
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2 Responses to Standing in Line Waiting to Die

  1. Sondi Wright says:

    Hi Cedric…..Have you heard of the Death Cafe???? It is absolutely Wonderful!!!! They are now in the U.S., Mexico and Europe….a Transpersonal psychologist led the Death Cafe twice a month at her home…It is on Sundays at theTattered Cover in Denver….it is simply talking about death – it is not for grieving for a recent lost one… people can have a sense of humor….it’s Very Good…Turns out in Mexico – they don’t like to talk about death either ( I thought as you did ) but when the person dies – then its a celebration…. the imperfect is used with death not the pretérito so it is a temporary condition!! Love to you both. Sondi
    I have long email to write Kristine!!! Xxxxxx

    • cedricj says:

      Great to hear from you Sondi. There was a Death Cafe here in our small village before we arrived here and people still mention that it was a valuable resource to them. I love the fact that the Spanish word is in the imperfect tense demonstrating a belief that it is a temporary condition. However I am discovering that beliefs are not always facts but the creation of how we want things to turn out.

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